My Heart's "Desire"


Has it already been a year?

Oh, it has. Damn.



Last year, my "word of the year" was POTENTIAL. I was totally positive that 2012 was going to be my year. In fact, I was going to make it happen. I started the year off much happier, due to the fact that I graduated with my master's degree (which will probably not use, but that's a different story for a different day). I also became stress-free in the job aspect, because I quit my job (the counseling/social worker/mental health one). I was so miserable and unhappy that I couldn't take it anymore. Everything was making me so angry, so I had to eliminate the bad. What better way than to start the beginning of the year that way? Okay, okay. I didn't plan it that way. Things just sort of fell into place.

In December 2011, I created a website that I kept secret for about six months, along with a facebook fan page. I had began the steps into starting a photography business. I took all the necessary starting steps to make sure it could happen. When I finally unveiled it, I did not receive the response I wanted. I should say, lack of response. It didn't necessarily help that other people started out with the same venture and had thousands of people, and clients out the ass. Jealous, much? Absolutely. I just said, fuck it and I don't have time for this shit. So, I gave up after a month.

It was pretty discouraging and disheartening. It is one thing to have people like your photos, but not to get any taken. Gee, thanks. Plus, it doesn't help, when I live somewhere that has 53904834294729 photographers, and a lot of them are WELL ESTABLISHED. It looks like I had a major fail. 

Last year, I stated, "I don't want to feel discouraged, and I know that this will happen, because thus is life and no one is perfect. I don't want other people's thoughts or negativity drive me to feel less than adequate. There are times when I let other people's negative opinions consume me, and if that happens, I need to stop. This will be easier said than done. I need to realize that there are people who are negative, jealous, hate to see others succeed, afraid of pursuing their own dreams, etc out there and love tearing others down, just for the sake of it."

Umm... yeah. About that? I totally let the green-eyed monster get the best of me in all aspects of my life. So, it is pretty safe to say that I didn't live up to my POTENTIAL. Whose fault is that? Mine and mine alone. 

In all honesty, I didn't come up with 2012's "word of the year" for myself, my hubby did. He knows me all too well. He actually came up with 2013's "word the year," which is DESIRE.

I desire to be self-employed. 
I desire to have my own business. That dream hasn't changed.

I have always been an artsy fartsy person, whether it be music, writing, photography, etc. I have never been the career-driven woman wearing a power suit traipsing up downtown in an office. That isn't me, nor will it ever be. No, thanks. 

I'm the type of person that wants has to work for myself. I hate working for a place and being talked down to in a condescending tone. I may sound immature and a brat, because thus is life and I should get used to it. Sorry, I'm not going to kiss anyone's ass to get ahead in the company. It's not going to happen, because I don't care.

I may have a master's degree, but hey, we all change our minds, make mistakes, and have regrets. No one is perfect. Now, there is no need to point fingers and judge. Shit happens

I have quite a few ideas on how to make my desire happen. I'm just going to have to get off my lazy ass, and put forth the plan into motion. Nothing will ever be accomplished by daydreaming about it. I need to work diligently to make it happen. It may take the entire year (or even longer), before it is accomplished, but at least the strides of effort will be there.

Hoping for success in 2013!


Perception Is Everything



12 comments :

Rebekah said...

Hoping you can accomplish what you desire!

Kasey said...

desire is such an awesome word for the new year :) you are so right, shit does happen and circumstances change. I think it's awesome that you have a master's degree at 26! That is such an amazing accomplishment! I know how it feels to change your mind about what you truly want to do, it's scary and you don't want people to judge you for it, but the important thing is that you follow your heart and do what makes YOU happy :)

Happy New Year and cheers for new journeys in 2013!!

http://braceface87.blogspot.com/

Alana Christine said...

Great word for the year! I think 2013 will bring great things your way!

Erin said...

Such an honest post I love it! I too have aspirations to start my own business in some sort of art, design, decorating field. It just seems so daunting to me since there are so many people already out there doing the exact same things.

But my mantra is "don't let your fear decide your fate" for this year.

@deploymentprbs said...

you are so honest in your writing. it's refreshing :)

I can't stand working for other people either. HAHA Wouldn't it be lovely to work for yourself?!

JG said...

I know you will rock 2013!

krystaladele @ unSAHM said...

Good for you to go after your desires! 2013 is all about success I think

jen {rellas bellas} said...

great post! you will rock it girl! you put it out there and now just keep working at the goals and they will happen!

Chandra said...

You can do it! I always admire bloggers that write their feelings, hopes, and DESIRES for all of us to read. I hope 2013 is your year!

Chandra
More Modern Modesty

Alyson McMahon said...

I love your word! Potential is so great.. and could work for so many different scenarios in our lives!

Lenetta Carnes said...


 Hi, great post. I found you through the blog hop. Please stop  by and say hi when you get a chance.  .Be sure and check out my new Blog Hop that started. It's Weekly Goals Link Up. It's a great way to stay on track. Have a great day. :) Now following you. 

Janna Renee said...

I think Desire is a fabulous word, and I think that the last year was simply a learning experience for you. Now you are READY for 2013!!

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